contrast and contradiction

The time of year is upon us. Yup. All the crazy resolutions pouring out. The holiday hangover. It's just an odd time of year. I've decided not to set a 'resolution' or even one specific goal for myself for the coming year. Sure, I'll try to stay in shape. I will try to stay organized. I will work on taking it easy...occasionally. But these are things we should work on everyday...not with some extra push because it's a new year. What I will do, now, at year end, is reflect on this year that has escaped.

The past several months have been very interesting indeed. I've made multiple trips to the east coast. I've seen days filled with complete contradictions and contrasting elements. An island that is far from the Pacific Northwest. An island filled with people that rely heavily on tourists to help them make enough to eat and survive...and within the same view, on the same island, a multi-million dollar complex, a casino, stretches into the sky. Poverty and excessive spending balance each other out.

On this same trip, I ate some of the worst food, at the airport. The next evening I dined in one of the finest restaurants. I have stayed in a run down motel and the next night aboard an extravagant ship. All of these things hit home as I was in flight back to the west coast. I thought about the contrast in our lives. How the balance we find, or the balance we struggle to find, is what I have searched for.

I was recently scolded for saying that we could skip the rest of December and move on to 2011. I was kidding of course. Well, sort of. 2010 was indeed a rough year. But, perhaps it was what I needed to make for a very successful 2011? Perhaps it was what I needed so that I could see what I had? Perhaps it was needed to get me moving again?

And as this year comes to a close, I see a year full of contrast much like the last few months. I had some of the highest moments of my life followed by the lowest. Old friendships strengthened to levels I wouldn't have thought possible-- and at the same time I lost friends that I thought would be in my life forever. I discovered more about myself in a six month period than I had ever thought possible. Funny thing is...I am no closer in knowing what I want or where to go now. However, I do know what is important in my life and will continue to search for a path that will take me further along--and on that path I hope I find more answers, more questions and more friends.

So I enter another year...but I won't forget those incredible moments from the last.

empire building...

An interesting article about the resurrection of the Holly Theater in downtown Medford can be found in the local paper today. HERE If you are one to believe everything you read...this will be the next best thing for downtown Medford. 'If you build it they will come...' Right? Why not have another 1000 seat theater to bring additional acts to the Valley? Why not spend millions upon millions of dollars to build up the arts community?

These all sound like positive things--especially to someone like me. I have been involved in the theater industry in one way or another for the past 27 years. I would love to see a downtown that thrives here in our community. These lines of bringing businesses downtown sound remarkable. Much like what was hoped and thought and discussed during the Craterian renovation. The cornerstone of downtown -- right? Since 1997 the Craterian has brought in art and entertainment to the Valley that one would have to travel hours away to experience. Season after season, the Craterian entertains and enriches its' audiences. Does the community even understand what they have in the Craterian Theater? Do they understand how technically amazing the facility is? Do they understand the level of passion that continues to pour into the building on a daily basis? I would say that the theater has a solid core group of people that understand these values. There are community leaders that support and would do anything to see the Craterian survive. But, as a whole, the support is down, the attendance is down. During these tough economic times everyone is tightening the belt one more notch.

"We want to plant our flag and make this community as successful as it can be," says Kramer. Kramer said an authentically restored historic theater could invigorate another section of downtown Medford." Don't we all want this? Shouldn't we 'invigorate' one portion of downtown first? It is interesting in a time when the staff of the Craterian continues to work on a reduced salary and when funding and ticket sales of the lone performing arts theater downtown are down, that this is the time to ask the community to support an empty condemned building. This should be the time for community support to bolster the arts community that it has! This is the time to continue to make sure that downtown doesn't lose the jewel of the community! This is the time to understand and appreciate what a beautiful and amazing venue already exists in downtown!

Don't buy into the empire building of JPR. Support the theater that has brought you to laughter, to tears- support the theater that enriches and entertains. If not, perhaps in five years yet another building with a for lease sign can be sitting vacant at 23 S. Central Ave.

by the ocean i stood and i was lost

A three week get away that began in familiar settings in California and ended with a three day cruise in the Bahamas helped me regain a perspective on life that I once had so long ago.

On the plane ride to the East Coast, I finished another book by Coelho, 'BY THE RIVER PIEDRA I SAT DOWN AND WEPT' -- A common theme throughout this writing and many other things that I have read in the past several months was how we have many chances and opportunities in our lives but we recognize them after they have passed by.

We get caught up in our routines, our daily lives. We don't stop to 'smell the roses.' We fly by the beauty that surrounds us at 70 mph on the freeway only concentrating on what is at the end of the trip and not what is there around us on the way. I stood there, on the beach on Disney's private island, and for the first time that I could remember I lost myself. I was not worried about work, or relationships, or getting sun burnt, or getting attacked by sharks...my focus was on the sea, the horizon, the beauty, the sounds, the smells-- and I stood there-- time passing without a realization of it happening. I was content, I was happy, I was free. Though this may have only lasted a moment -- perhaps an hour. I may have needed to be 3000 miles away from home to achieve this sensation for the first time...but I will fight to remember it, I will fight to find it again in the things around me.

My focus now is on balance. I know I can put in everything I have at work. I can succeed in my life professionally. I can give my heart and soul for the profession I have CHOSEN. I don't need to sacrifice my efforts and passion and commitment and pursuit for excellence in work to have the same goals and desires in my personal life. I recognize that I have to put in that same energy into my personal life. Life is full of hard work and challenges and distractions and routines--all trying to keep us from the greater rewards that come from such dedication and focused direction. I will find my reward---and it will be worth all of the effort!

disconnected in a connected world

--This has been in my drafts folder for months...finally posting it---

A while back I went on an amazing trip to a remarkable place. A place in the wilderness...kind of. A place for grown-ups and kids alike. A place where you can sleep in the trees and feel the wind as it sways you from side to side 30+ feet in the air. Treehouses. Yep, treehouses. And though this isn't really about what happened on these amazing three days that I spent here in a magical place -- but really about what did not happen. I turned my phone off.

We are obsessed with connectivity. We have a constant direct connection to everything and everyone. If I get lost...I hit maps on my iPhone and route me to where I need to go. I can call ahead from the road. I can text a quick answer or question to a friend 400 miles away. We can Skype across the Ocean. Status updates on FaceBook with a picture of our pet goat that just swallowed a watermelon seed, a tweet about your morning unfriendly episode of someone that just cut you off and you spilled a Venti Soy White Mocha all over your lap, or even post a YouTube video of Cousin Johnny running smack dab into the sliding glass door...all for the world to see -- instantly.

All of these things can be gratifying. They can all leave us with a sense of accomplishment. But what's the downside to be constantly connected to the world. I grew up prior to the cell phone boom...or even the existence of cell phones as we know them today. I survived the walk to the bus just fine. (No, it wasn't uphill both ways in the snow...it just didn't snow.) I actually memorized telephone numbers of my friends. Now, I think I know maybe two numbers of people that I call on a regular basis. We've not only become lazy with technology but we have accepted that this is the way it is... it's convenient now. I think it affects our memories and our overall mental preparedness in daily situations. We have also mastered the art of procrastination. Before, we'd plan the day, we'd plan where we would meet, and where we were going...now, I'll call you from the road or send you a text-- back and forth forty-two times to get the answer to a simple question. Yes, it's great to have a phone in an emergency. However, does an eight year old need a cell phone? Where's the line? At what point do we want to teach others that they have to be connected at all times? This goes beyond being connected and available it gives way to the expectation that the other person should answer you...immediately. I texted Susie 20 minutes ago...the least she could do is reply back. People use phones constantly at work, texting friends, posting on Facebook, surfing the internet for unrelated work topics. Where does it stop?

Take a day off from the technology. Take a day away from FB and Twitter and texting and all of the technology. (Just make sure you post it on FB, Twitter, and text me to let me know. I don't want to worry after all.)

When Distraction Becomes Life

Warning: if you don’t like endless ramblings I suggest you not read any further. Just so we all know where this is coming from: I have lost my best friend, my partner in life. Ok… no, not to death, but to life and youth, and the innocence that makes one do illogical things even when they can see the logical choices may actually be what is wanted. Confusion, fear, and frustration have divided us for some time. I now feel abandoned by the one person that I had finally allowed to get in. And though I have been destroyed and we have parted ways, my heart, my soul, my being all know that I must continue to search for a way to find her in the shadows of life. I am not a public person so this is the George Costanza method of doing the opposite for me. Guess we shall see what comes of it. Oh Seinfeld...you rock.

When distraction becomes life

Does it take moments of darkness to bring clarity into life? Perhaps, it is true, that you need the ultimate lows to experience the ultimate highs. We all somehow survive through the most difficult situations in life even when they seem impossible at the time. Distraction usually plays an important role in the ‘recovery’ process.

From times of great despair -- to a loss of your best friend, we try and hide from the truths to dull our senses until we have ‘moved on.’ People turn to family and friends, music, vacation escapes, and even immerse themselves into work…all for distraction. People try and distract from issues, distract from failed relationships, distract from life. But what happens when your distraction becomes your life. What happens when one day you look back and say, ‘Holy shit! I have become this other thing. I have lived to become this distraction.’ People struggle with this everyday. They chalk it up to finding themselves, or following their heart or enjoying life without regret. You can choose to be social and bar hop every night, you can put on another persona to mask the pain within, and you can even be very successful with the distractions you choose; however, without warning, you are transformed into this other way of living and this temporary distraction is now your life. Is the trick to realize that you have done this?

I have been locked down for so long stemming from a complicated timeline of events that I don’t use as an excuse but as little creation points of what ultimately pushed me into this alternate state of existence. I have realized now that I chose the distractions to live without knowing. I have been focused and driven and passionate but all towards the wrong thing in life. I haven’t allowed for a balance in life. Don’t get me wrong. I live a decent existence. I have a nice house, a car, a great job, and a few incredible true friends. But a large piece of the puzzle is missing. I need the happiness, the love of my partner, the support through it all. I need to give the same back. To support at all cost my partner, my friend, especially in the dark and uncertain times. What’s the point of a nice home in the hills without someone to share it with? I thought I had finally found all of this. I didn’t realize how my life—the distraction that became my life, would interfere with all of this. I only hope that the sand in the hourglass is not yet empty and I can somehow turn it back over and now have a full glass to begin with once again.