When Distraction Becomes Life

Warning: if you don’t like endless ramblings I suggest you not read any further. Just so we all know where this is coming from: I have lost my best friend, my partner in life. Ok… no, not to death, but to life and youth, and the innocence that makes one do illogical things even when they can see the logical choices may actually be what is wanted. Confusion, fear, and frustration have divided us for some time. I now feel abandoned by the one person that I had finally allowed to get in. And though I have been destroyed and we have parted ways, my heart, my soul, my being all know that I must continue to search for a way to find her in the shadows of life. I am not a public person so this is the George Costanza method of doing the opposite for me. Guess we shall see what comes of it. Oh Seinfeld...you rock.

When distraction becomes life

Does it take moments of darkness to bring clarity into life? Perhaps, it is true, that you need the ultimate lows to experience the ultimate highs. We all somehow survive through the most difficult situations in life even when they seem impossible at the time. Distraction usually plays an important role in the ‘recovery’ process.

From times of great despair -- to a loss of your best friend, we try and hide from the truths to dull our senses until we have ‘moved on.’ People turn to family and friends, music, vacation escapes, and even immerse themselves into work…all for distraction. People try and distract from issues, distract from failed relationships, distract from life. But what happens when your distraction becomes your life. What happens when one day you look back and say, ‘Holy shit! I have become this other thing. I have lived to become this distraction.’ People struggle with this everyday. They chalk it up to finding themselves, or following their heart or enjoying life without regret. You can choose to be social and bar hop every night, you can put on another persona to mask the pain within, and you can even be very successful with the distractions you choose; however, without warning, you are transformed into this other way of living and this temporary distraction is now your life. Is the trick to realize that you have done this?

I have been locked down for so long stemming from a complicated timeline of events that I don’t use as an excuse but as little creation points of what ultimately pushed me into this alternate state of existence. I have realized now that I chose the distractions to live without knowing. I have been focused and driven and passionate but all towards the wrong thing in life. I haven’t allowed for a balance in life. Don’t get me wrong. I live a decent existence. I have a nice house, a car, a great job, and a few incredible true friends. But a large piece of the puzzle is missing. I need the happiness, the love of my partner, the support through it all. I need to give the same back. To support at all cost my partner, my friend, especially in the dark and uncertain times. What’s the point of a nice home in the hills without someone to share it with? I thought I had finally found all of this. I didn’t realize how my life—the distraction that became my life, would interfere with all of this. I only hope that the sand in the hourglass is not yet empty and I can somehow turn it back over and now have a full glass to begin with once again.